


....Resolve

by wannabeoppa



Series: Makoto Niijima Week 2018 [5]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Comfort, Encourangement, Gen, Part 2 of Fears, There's always someone to help you, This how i atone for my sins from the last chapter, don't give up, we're here for you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-14 01:11:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16029908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wannabeoppa/pseuds/wannabeoppa
Summary: “I love you, Papa...” she whispered and smiled. Her face full of life again.He reciprocated the smile. “You know where I am.”





	....Resolve

**Author's Note:**

> A continuation of Day 4 - Fears, Day 5 - Resolve (Got you good on the last one didn't I? ;) )
> 
> Please see the notes at the end. It's from me to you :)
> 
> My last entry for Makoto Niijima week! 
> 
> I’ve had a lot of fun writing this series and I quite surprised myself with the sudden burst of creativity and motivation to come up with these prompts. Also the fact that I finished them in record time was an achievement.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this last instalment and I do hope you enjoyed the previous chapters!
> 
> Please follow [Makoto Niijima week](https://t.co/HC4PTC8F3W) on tumblr and [@makotoweek](https://twitter.com/makotoweek) on twitter for more information!

Makoto would never forget that day. 

She was no younger than 7 years old when she bid her father goodbye with a kiss on the cheek and a tight embrace. She held her entire world in her arms that day.

“Take care at work, papa! I love you” 

She said with a smile only to be told later that day that he wasn’t going to come back. Not tomorrow, not ever. 

Sae - the real Sae - turned cold after that, too. She had gone distant. She cared for Makoto of course as she began to be the breadwinner for the two of them.

She became obsessed with success soon after Makoto was in middle school, however.

_ “Success is all you need in life.”   _ Nothing mattered to her sister but that. Makoto felt like she didn’t matter to Sae if she failed.

Makoto was miserable. Emotions drained, so were her tears. She sobbed but no tears left to flow. She was exhausted, physical and emotionally. 

She saw too much of the worst in too little time. The guilt from Kamoshida’s abuse that she kept quiet to the point of driving a classmate to suicide. The guilt and regret of pushing her team into an exercise despite Morgana’s warnings drove one of them to lay on the sullen floor with a hole in his head

And the man that she loved so dearly more than her own life leaned lifeless against the wall  covered in his own blood. 

Why now? 

If this was a nightmare, she wanted to be awaken, now...immediately. 

Maybe if she opened her mouth, she’d scream herself awake. Maybe if she punched herself on the jaw, she’d be in enough pain to jolt herself back to life. 

But she was too weak...

She was alone again it seemed. Apart from the lifeless corpse of the three people that she saw perished. Even Sae disappeared, of course she would. Who would want to stay with a piece of weak garbage like her? 

The light that illuminated the corners dimmed, and her own light was starting to follow. The walls felt like they were moving closer to the center. 

Her eyes were heavy. The air coming in her lungs were thinning, she could barely breathe before and now she felt like she was in space without oxygen at all. There was no air for her to breathe anymore.

_ I guess this is it… _

Delusional. 

_ I have nothing… _

Exhausted. 

_ Nothing to live for anymore. _

Defeated. 

**_“Come on!! Not now!!”_ **

_ Huh? _

A voice… 

Makoto heard a familiar voice, distorted but enough for her to distinguish garbled up phrase.

She mustered all her strength to flutter her eyes open. There was still the same darkness engulfed her small, curled up body. The room reeking of metallic blood and pain but she braved to look around, searching for the voice. 

**_“Makoto, come on! You’re stronger than this!”_ **

The voice was smaller than the gruff grunt of the first distorted voice. It was soothing her aching limbs. The weight on her back was slowly being lifted off, like some kind of magic. 

**_“Mako-chan, please don’t give up.”_ **

“H-haru..?” She was surprised at the sound of her own voice. “W-what..?” She spoke again, this time clearer. Somehow the grip around her throat disappeared loosening her airway to breathe again. And god, it was divine. 

The voices echoed around Makoto, repeated over and over. Her friends’ cries of encouragement, her friends voice of support were filling her heart with glee, invigorating her body with new found strength. Slowly... very slowly.

“You’re not alone, you know?” A man appeared almost out of thin air in front of her. One knee knelt, he offered a hand. He radiated warmth, Makoto thought.

“P-papa…?” Her eyes were blurry or more like the man was blurry but his smile was clear as day. Makoto knew that lift on the corner of that man’s lip. He has that familiar dent near his lips  that appears when he cheered Makoto up after falling off the bike she had gotten for her 6th birthday. 

The same dent that Makoto loved to poke with her finger before saying “You’re silly, Papa.” before giving the man a hug. 

“Hi, pancake.” 

The extended hand was ignored and Makoto launched herself into the man’s arms. He caught her, Makoto knew he always would do. She sobbed, her embrace just as tight as she had held her father that day. 

“Hey, it’s okay.” Her father soothed her back as he calmly ran his hand on her back. “They’re waiting, you know.” 

Makoto blinked through her tears that she thought had ran dry. 

**“Makoto, if you wake up now I promise I will study harder!”**

**“You idiot! This is not the time for jokes!!”**

The voices from above were a lot clearer. Makoto let out a quiet laugh. Those voices, they were definitely Ann’s and Ryuji’s. 

The man smiled. “See? You’re not alone. You never were. You have something special waiting out there for you, pancake. Even without me, I knew you can take care of yourself and your sister.” 

“Papa..” Makoto frowned. “But I miss you…can’t you just take me with you? I’m useless to sister, to my peers...i.” 

“Don’t ever say that. You never once useless in your life. Do you remember when you got that gash on your head? When you helped a little boy fight off his bullies down the park?”

Makoto reached at the back of her head where the scar was. She remembered it well. She also remembered waking up on hospital bed 10 stitches later. Her sister was worried sick but her father beaming proudly at her. Her sister scolded him for that. 

“You were so brave. And I have never been so proud of you.” 

Those words somehow triggered the lights in the room to open. Illuminating the abyss she was in. The bodies laid lifeless in the corner disappeared like they weren’t there in the first place. 

The man looked around, the same grin on his face. 

“I love you, pancake. So do your sister, your teammates, your classmates. They look up to you. Don’t give up.” 

She stood up despite her state, wiping the tears that stained her cheeks for a long time.The fire in her eyes was ignited again. The willpower to move on, to fight, was burning brighter in her already red eyes. She didn’t wallow in her guilt. She didn’t feel weak anymore, she didn’t feel useless.. 

She was changed. Her view of life changed and she wanted to keep changing to help herself and everybody else. 

She wasn’t alone in this journey. 

So, why give up?

Her father grinned bright just as she remembered. “That’s my girl.” 

“Thank you, Papa..” She said, tears threatening to leave her eyes once more but she steeled herself, looking up with head held high. 

That’s right. All these fears she encased in a big box inside her mind. It was her fault it overflowed like it did. She never let things go, she couldn’t - until her mind was wrapped in an inescapable prison of her own darkness. She wanted to break free but she struggled. 

But she kept something hidden in the middle of it all. 

A little speck of light. The memories of her father, her mother, her sister...The light that she needed to get through a tough day at school, or an exhausting day from being pushed around to please everybody. 

The little pinch of encouragement, affection, and hope that day by the day had turned into a ball that burned brighter than the sun to wash the darkness in her life away. 

Makoto Niijima did not give up when her father had left her and sister. 

Makoto Niijima did not give up seeking justice in the Phantom Thieves. 

Makoto Niijima did not give up when the pain of awakening to Johanna had her begging for mercy. 

Makoto Niijima will not give up. Not now, not ever. 

“I love you, Papa...” she whispered and smiled. Her face full of life again. 

He reciprocated the smile. “You know where I am.” 

~O~

“Come on!! Not now!!” 

Ren gritted his teeth as he held onto Makoto’s hand. It was starting to get colder by the second. His heart beating out of his chest but his breath baited.

They managed to rush her to Tae Takemi’s clinic. The doctor was unamused at the fuss they were making but with Makoto in Ren’s arms and panic laced all over his expression, she knew she had work to do.

Makoto was barely breathing when they laid her on the examining table. 

“Move.” Takemi’s voice was a whisper but the kids dispersed to make room. 

“Makoto, come on! You’re stronger than this!” 

Takemi heard a loud meow behind her. But she carried on with her work. Her palms pressed against Makoto’s chest.

“Mako-chan, please don’t give up.” Haru spoke with tears in her eyes. 

The teenagers watched, breathe hitched at their throat. 

“Makoto if you wake up now, I promise to study harder!!” Ryuji yelled, much to the doctor’s displeasure. 

“You idiot! Now is not the time!” The other blonde had given the other a quick jab on the arm, tears threatening to overflow from her eyes.

Takemi had enough. 

“Okay, everybody out!” She followed up with a piercing look that nobody dared to argue. “Amamiya-kun, you’re staying and helping me.” 

He nodded, determined and held the oxygen pump by her mouth as instructed by the punk doctor. Before he could squeeze the first load of air into it Makoto’s lips twitched.

“Help with what…?” Makoto gruffed somehow. The girl soothed her head with a palm of her hand slowly as she came to.

Everybody stopped fussing. Takemi did too, surprised at the “miracle” that unfolded before her. She swore that there was almost no heartbeat in her when she checked but here Makoto was, making it seem like she just awoken from a nap.

Makoto kept her eyes closed for a little a while longer after she spoke. Everyone in the room held their breath. Admittedly, she did too. She was afraid that the fussing of the voices familiar to her might be another trick by the witch she countered in hell. But with a little more push, her eyes watched her teammates collectively sighed in relief. 

The girls letting their tears finally free, knees going weak in relief, sobbing as they nearly launched themselves onto the examining bed to give her a hug. Takemi gave them a look and froze them on their feet.

The boys had done the same. Hands pounding at their chest to make their own heart start beating again while leaning back against the wall at corner of the clinic.

Ren...their leader, the light of her life, sat on the floor with his head low, beaten by relief. A hand running slowly in his disheveled hair. “Thank..fuck..” He quietly mumbled and Makoto swore that she heard him sniffle. 

All of them looked weightless. Takemi was too. Makoto looked up at the doctor. 

“They rushed you here barely breathing.” She put simply, keeping the reputation of being calm and collected despite of what happened. “You kids never cease to amaze me.” She mumbled as she walked to her desk and scribble possible prescription she could give the girl. 

“Ah.” Makoto said like it was the most normal thing in the world. Her lips curled into a weak smile. She was just as relieved as they were. So relieved that everything was okay. Happy that she came back into their lives with only a scratch or a bruise on the elbow. 

She had come to know that everything her father told her was right. She shouldn’t be selfish. There was always light in every dark days in her life. All she needed was that tiny bit of hope she kept. A little bit of encouragement, that little bit of push to know your worth. 

Her world didn’t disappear along with her father that day. 

Her world was still within her reach. 

Her family was her world...she just failed to realise that the Phantom Thieves have become a part of it too. 

“Oh shit...does this mean I have to keep my promise?” Ryuji was struck with a realisation scratching the back of this short blonde hair. Ann glared at him.

Makoto just giggled wiping the tears that brimmed her tired eyes. “Guess so.”

**Author's Note:**

> (Disclaimer: I know that these things work differently on everyone. I just thought, I’d share my experience.)
> 
> See, this was little personal to me. I haven’t been in the greatest state of mind the past couple of months. I have avoided talking about how I feel then I found that when you do talk about something that you have been bottling inside (even if it’s the little things) it is such a relief. 
> 
> You somehow feel free. You’re not as burdened. You feel lighter.
> 
> What I noticed is that sometimes when people are getting into a bad state of mind, they try to help themselves on their own and most of the time they couldn’t get out of that slump because they don’t know what to do. They think that being away from the source of their issue is the best way…
> 
> Personally, I found that it isn’t. I found that no matter how much I pry myself away from the issue, the more I want to see what was happening. The more I come back, the more I was bothered.
> 
> I found that it’s easier if you seek help to somebody. It doesn’t have to be professionally. It could be a friend that you trust, a friend that will not sugarcoat things for you. The one that understands you and know what you’re going through. 
> 
> If you can’t help yourself, try asking for some. It’s never a bad thing to ask for support. Most of the time you’ll find that people would want you to ask them for help. Your friends see you suffering but if you keep lying to them, you won’t get that help. Be honest to them. Find that someone that will give you the lift that you needed. Find someone that will show you that you’re doing so much better when you think you aren’t. You think that you shouldn't seek that validation but that validation, that little "Oh my god, I'm here for you" Is what you needed.
> 
> You are not alone...you never are. 
> 
> There is always someone that will help you. There is always somebody to talk to. There is always someone to make dick jokes with whenever you’re having a moment like this. (I’m looking at you Vee).
> 
> You are loved. I guarantee you.
> 
> Big shoutout to my good friend Vee for giving me the wake up call that I needed. It helped. It also helped that we are screaming about BanG Dream and how much you’d want Moca to smack you with a baguette while Ran screams “Moca, let’s go!”
> 
> I love you bitch, I ain't never gonna stop loving you...BITCH.
> 
> I apologise that this got sappy. But please, take care of yourself. You are loved, you can do it. <3


End file.
